Sitting up violently, I had to take a second to just remember why I had woken up in the middle of the night. The beginnings of a sunrise were already spreading through the sky..so were the beginnings of a horrible storm. Looking behind, the red digital letters of my alarm clock read 5:32..jeez..
Still struggling to remember why I'd been jarred out of sleep, I figured I might as well get out of bed. Pulling on jeans, I trudged upstairs to start on some paperwork that was buried somewhere in the mess on my desk. Seeing the missing girl posters, my dream slammed into focus. I had dreamt the same dream from the night before but woken up before coming through the grate in the bathroom. No matter, the connection was made. The was right- I had seen that necklace before. There was no way that Renshu's daughter having the same necklace was a coincidence. Something bigger was happening.
Thankful that there was no one awake to question my actions, I flicked on the light to the girls bathroom. Sure enough, there was a grate under the sink- and it was askew. Tying my dreads back, I realized how hot the bathroom was. I really had to get that AC fixed. But for now, I pushed a window open to let in some already stormy, but cold, air.
Turning back to the grate, I admitted to myself that I was crazy, and pushed it aside. Peering down, I expected to find some sort of piping that led to the sewers but instead found..handles? This was starting to look more and more like what you would find under the cover of a manhole in the middle of the street, not a drain in the middle of a girl's bathroom. Glad that I had bought a new pair of cheap converse the other day after realizing all of my left shoes had disappeared, I began climbing down the "manhole". A few handles later, I reached out of the hole to close the grate above me to discourage any curious little girls from falling in later.
After I put about 15 or 20 feet between me and the surface, I finally felt ground past the next rung. Carefully stepping of the ladder, I praised myself again for remembering to charge my ipod. A couple of taps later, I had a flashlight in app form to shed some light on the otherwise pitch dark cavern? tunnel? Sweeping my ipod in a circle, I realized it was a sort of tunnel. High enough for me to stand up without stooping and just wide enough for me to stretch my arms and touch both sides. Looking behind me, I saw that the tunnel stretched out of sight in both directions. My pause was long enough that my ipod went dark. Before I woke it back up, I spotted a tiny speck of light. If my iPod had stayed on I would never have seen it. Turning my flashlight back on, I set off towards the light.
A few strides forward, I realized that there were other passageways branching off of the one that I was on. In the silence, I began to pick out the bubbling laughter of a stream of some sort. Listening closer, I heard the sound of actual laughter too. Taking a couple of steps into the nearest tunnel, the sound of laughter faded. After trying a couple other tunnels I finally walked into one where the noises grew louder. Shouting out a hello, my voice rang off of the compacted dirt walls, amplifying it. The giggles silenced abruptly then became hushed whispers. A couple steps farther I came around a bend in the tunnel and another light blinded me.
Time stopped as my eyes snapped closed to try and readjust. From somewhere above me I heard the siren of a firetruck. In a different direction a distorted shout reached my ears..something about 99 percent? I knew by this time that the orphanage would be awake and bustling. It was a Thursday so Ms. Fernandez would be here to cook breakfast. Her and Annie never seemed to leave. But all I could focus on was the two girls standing in front of me, equally surprised.
How did this happen?
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wet
To my left sat a man in a grecian sort of robe. His face showed signs of age but his eyes sparkled in a way that made you feel like he could see right through to your past and most inner desires. Only upon closer inspection did I see that he was in fact Harry, the blind beggar. Hearing a noise to my right, I turned to see what looked like a mother and a father. Upon closer inspection...I still didn't recognize them. Although, there was something familiar about the woman's smile. Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she gazed at the cooing baby in her arms. But with a sudden pop, the father began to fade...growing fuzzy at the edges like if you adjusted the magnification of a pair of binoculars so that everything looked like it had been smudged with a bad eraser. The mother reached out for her husband and as she touched him, the couple popped out. Disappeared. Gone. Leaving just a little boy, the color of chocolate, and gazing at the sky.
I looked up, following his gaze. The sky was blue, sun was shining, and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky.
Wait a second..where was I? The weather was never this good in real life..
Giving me no time to question any further, I suddenly fell through the ground.
This definitely wasn't real. My fall lasted forever- similar to the seemingly never ending fall that Alice makes down the rabbit hole. Except instead of landing in a room, I landed..in the dark. I couldn't see anything, not even my hands. I had to constantly remind myself that I was still in fact corporeal. If you could even be corporeal in a dream..
At a loss for what to do at this point, I just began walking. I could hear water..but it didn't stink like I expected it would in a sewer. The surface beneath my bare feet was either packed earth or really worn wood. In the distance I saw a column of light. Hesitating, I slowly moved towards it. In a sudden woosh, I was pulled off of my feet and upwards towards the hole the light beamed out of.
No. I wasn't ready to die. Although it was only slightly comforting that I was designated for heaven, I backpedalled my feet. My descent didn't slow. My life flashed before my eyes, I always thought I would die in my sleep. But what about the orphanage? Who knew how to take care of everything better than I did? I felt sorry for the poor soul that would find me. I prayed to God that it wouldn't be one of the children- they'd already gone through enough in their lives. Huh. Maybe I can tell God myself in a second.
As I neared the source of the light, saw a familiar cracked porcelain..getting closer I began to see the familiar pink tile that covered the floor of the orphanage's girls bathroom. So..Heaven is a bathroom? In the blink of an eye I appeared on the right side of things. Feet firmly planted then immediately scrunched up against sting of the cold tile, I surveyed my surroundings. It was the girl's bathroom alright. I noticed a grate under the sink that i'd never noticed before. Guess that's where I came "out". Bending down, I noticed that the grate had been moved aside, caught on one of the bars was a necklace with a golden dolphin charm hanging on it. In rapid sudden succession, the fire alarm began to blare, the sprinklers sputtered on, my clothes became immediately doused...and I woke up.
Assessing my surroundings I realized that my forehead was wet. Upon closer inspection I realized that it was from a leaky pipe above my head...great. My radio alarm played ELO's Mr. Blue Sky which explained both the cheerful weather in my dream and the fire alarm.
-----
Securing the orphanage for the next few hours after Annie arrived, I headed out to get some tools for repairing the pipe in my room. If there were any errands to be done, I always tried to do them in the morning. Morning people were usually the happiest. Once traffic gets bad with all late-sleepers hurrying to get to work, the air gets clogged with a cloud of annoyance and smog. Yet this morning, H Street seemed only crowded with cars. Walking farther I noticed that a bus had broken down. The bus driver appeared to be unconcerned so I assumed that help was on the way already. Walking even farther I anticipated the smell of freshly brewed coffee- another perk of walking the mornings. All the coffee addicts satisfy their cravings as if they couldn't wait another second for caffeine.
----
Later in the afternoon, after fixing up the broken pipe, I sat with Annie who babbled on recounting something about her kids. I had long since learned that when women began to tell stories, they generally just wanted someone to talk at. They weren't really looking for you to share your own stories and they certainly didn't need any advice. A knock on the door gave me an excuse to leave Annie to her thoughts for at least a couple minutes. The knocker looked to be a middle aged chinese man. In his hands he held a crinkled poster of a girl with a fake smile and braces. She looked to be related to the man and by her age must be his daughter. Still slightly zoned out from my "conversation" with Annie, I only caught that his name was Renshu and he needed to borrow the copier. From his crinkled shirt, calloused hands, and concerned expression I decided that this man was sincere and showed him to the copier. Taking one of the freshly printed sheets from the paper tray, I examined the picture of the girl. Renshu asked if I had seen her recently since she volunteered here recently. Taking out the volunteer logs I scanned for the name Xiu Li. Ah, I remember, she was that girl that came with the swim team. Relaying this information to Renshu relaxed the wrinkles in his forehead only slightly.
--
Attempting to make a dent in somewhat organizing my office space, my gaze wandered to a copy of the "lost girl" posters that must have left behind. I hoped that Xiu Li was ok. She'd seemed truly eager to help out when she volunteered, unlike some of the students that were only here for the community service hours. Looking closer at the picture I noticed that Xiu Li was wearing a gold necklace...if I could just remember where had I seen that dolphin before..
I looked up, following his gaze. The sky was blue, sun was shining, and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky.
Wait a second..where was I? The weather was never this good in real life..
Giving me no time to question any further, I suddenly fell through the ground.
This definitely wasn't real. My fall lasted forever- similar to the seemingly never ending fall that Alice makes down the rabbit hole. Except instead of landing in a room, I landed..in the dark. I couldn't see anything, not even my hands. I had to constantly remind myself that I was still in fact corporeal. If you could even be corporeal in a dream..
At a loss for what to do at this point, I just began walking. I could hear water..but it didn't stink like I expected it would in a sewer. The surface beneath my bare feet was either packed earth or really worn wood. In the distance I saw a column of light. Hesitating, I slowly moved towards it. In a sudden woosh, I was pulled off of my feet and upwards towards the hole the light beamed out of.
No. I wasn't ready to die. Although it was only slightly comforting that I was designated for heaven, I backpedalled my feet. My descent didn't slow. My life flashed before my eyes, I always thought I would die in my sleep. But what about the orphanage? Who knew how to take care of everything better than I did? I felt sorry for the poor soul that would find me. I prayed to God that it wouldn't be one of the children- they'd already gone through enough in their lives. Huh. Maybe I can tell God myself in a second.
As I neared the source of the light, saw a familiar cracked porcelain..getting closer I began to see the familiar pink tile that covered the floor of the orphanage's girls bathroom. So..Heaven is a bathroom? In the blink of an eye I appeared on the right side of things. Feet firmly planted then immediately scrunched up against sting of the cold tile, I surveyed my surroundings. It was the girl's bathroom alright. I noticed a grate under the sink that i'd never noticed before. Guess that's where I came "out". Bending down, I noticed that the grate had been moved aside, caught on one of the bars was a necklace with a golden dolphin charm hanging on it. In rapid sudden succession, the fire alarm began to blare, the sprinklers sputtered on, my clothes became immediately doused...and I woke up.
Assessing my surroundings I realized that my forehead was wet. Upon closer inspection I realized that it was from a leaky pipe above my head...great. My radio alarm played ELO's Mr. Blue Sky which explained both the cheerful weather in my dream and the fire alarm.
-----
Securing the orphanage for the next few hours after Annie arrived, I headed out to get some tools for repairing the pipe in my room. If there were any errands to be done, I always tried to do them in the morning. Morning people were usually the happiest. Once traffic gets bad with all late-sleepers hurrying to get to work, the air gets clogged with a cloud of annoyance and smog. Yet this morning, H Street seemed only crowded with cars. Walking farther I noticed that a bus had broken down. The bus driver appeared to be unconcerned so I assumed that help was on the way already. Walking even farther I anticipated the smell of freshly brewed coffee- another perk of walking the mornings. All the coffee addicts satisfy their cravings as if they couldn't wait another second for caffeine.
----
Later in the afternoon, after fixing up the broken pipe, I sat with Annie who babbled on recounting something about her kids. I had long since learned that when women began to tell stories, they generally just wanted someone to talk at. They weren't really looking for you to share your own stories and they certainly didn't need any advice. A knock on the door gave me an excuse to leave Annie to her thoughts for at least a couple minutes. The knocker looked to be a middle aged chinese man. In his hands he held a crinkled poster of a girl with a fake smile and braces. She looked to be related to the man and by her age must be his daughter. Still slightly zoned out from my "conversation" with Annie, I only caught that his name was Renshu and he needed to borrow the copier. From his crinkled shirt, calloused hands, and concerned expression I decided that this man was sincere and showed him to the copier. Taking one of the freshly printed sheets from the paper tray, I examined the picture of the girl. Renshu asked if I had seen her recently since she volunteered here recently. Taking out the volunteer logs I scanned for the name Xiu Li. Ah, I remember, she was that girl that came with the swim team. Relaying this information to Renshu relaxed the wrinkles in his forehead only slightly.
--
Attempting to make a dent in somewhat organizing my office space, my gaze wandered to a copy of the "lost girl" posters that must have left behind. I hoped that Xiu Li was ok. She'd seemed truly eager to help out when she volunteered, unlike some of the students that were only here for the community service hours. Looking closer at the picture I noticed that Xiu Li was wearing a gold necklace...if I could just remember where had I seen that dolphin before..
Monday, October 10, 2011
Deserted avenues
Hurrying to the door of the orphanage, I wondered why none of the ladies that were usually already here seemed to all be running late this morning. Samantha lingered in my shadow since we had been right in the middle of her overdue tour when we heard a brisk knock on the door. I rifled through my mental planner to make sure there I hadn't somehow forgotten that an agency rep was visiting today. Apparently adoption agencies never sleep- they could never seem to "drop-by" later than 9 AM and I certainly wasn't prepared for their nosy questions about everything but the actual children themselves.
With a creak and groan as the door's hinges protested their load, I realized that thankfully it was just Trixie. I respected parents like Trixie much more than those that gave up and put their kids up for adoption. The orphanage was more than happy to help out single moms that had to work- at least they were trying. How can parents know that they're kid will be better off being completely cut off of from them? They don't. They're just too self-centered to think about those sorts of things. But I guess I'm a little biased..
Stuffing my morose thoughts back into their locked box in my brain, I turned my attention back to the doorway. After Trixie's eyes strayed to her watch for the fifth time within the minute, I cut the small talk and told her that I would see her later today when she picked up the kids. Taking the cue, she handed over Sweet Pea and Baby Boy- each with a whisper and a kiss on the cheek. With a sigh, I waited for the wailing to start since Sweet Pea only reflected her name when in her mother's arms. After counting backwards from 30, I slowly began to relax my jaw and investigate the phenomenon. Where was Sweet Pea? Rocking chair..pile of video tapes..beanbag chair..stuffed animal corner..Samantha and Sweet Pea. There she is. Sweet Pea cooed in Samantha's arms while Samantha held her just like a mother..although she was only twice her age. I always thought it was a little creepy how girls seemed to be born with the knowledge of how to take care of kids. Then somehow as they grew up some girls could have the slightest clue about a kid's needs while others, like Trixie, loved her kids completely and knew that was enough. Wow, I'm gonna have to buy a new lock for this box of mine.
Leaving Sweet Pea to Samantha and handing off the daily task of waking up the kids to Annie, I headed down to my room in the basement of the orphanage and grabbed a couple of coins. I liked to pay a visit to an old friend of the orphanage that spent his days in front of the clinic playing his CD that I made for him several years ago and shouting out verses to those that thought giving him some change would ease their minds. More often, the verses tended to bring up even more troubled thoughts- something I loved watching as businessmen walked away past with eyes seeing lost opportunities and 100 pound secrets instead of the steaming present that some dog left on the pavement a few minutes earlier. Spending a couple of minutes listening to REM always reminded me of why it was more important for me to be here, in the present, instead of back where..everybody hurts. I knew Harry through the last guy that ran the orphanage who knew him as the bundle that appeared on the doorstep of the orphanage clutching a sticky note containing his name and the simple description of "blind". As Harry heard the clink of my coins against copper, he shouted out "What will come will come. Even if I shroud it all in silence." and gave a knowing chuckle.
No different from the businessmen that leave Harry in deep thought, I walked miles through long deserted avenues in my mind to get back to the orphanage.
The moment I stepped on the Welcome doormat, I heard the shouts of laughter that could always snap me back to reality. These kids didn't need a blind man to tell them that they're past was behind them. They lived every moment thinking about their jello cup and only their jello cup. Not the cattle hooves that the jello came from and certainly not how they had a unconventional family because their 100 constantly present adoptive siblings and parents more than made up for the two parents that they lost.
I mean, how much good does sharing DNA really do you?
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Samantha
The day started with a tentative tapping on the door.
The combination of concrete walls and a flimsy plywood door made sure that I never missed anything that was going on outside of my room. This was normally okay with me since the orphanage was dreadfully understaffed and it was up to me to keep the kids in check after 9 as the only adult that stayed the night. The tapping came again, just a tad louder as if the knocker was anxious but still embarrassed for having to bother me.
"I'm up, I'm up. One second." I yelled in the direction of the door. I blinked the sleep from my eyes and swung my legs out of bed, shocked awake by the chilly concrete floor. It seemed that however hot it was outside, being just a couple of feet underground kept my room at a constantly cool temperature. I threw on a shirt and pulled on some jeans then finally checked my dreads in the mirror over the sink. At least now I looked like i'd been out of bed for 10 minutes instead of the 3 that had actually passed. Opening the door, I was surprised to find that the knocker was not in fact Annie, the mom that stopped by every morning to fix the kids breakfast, but the little girl that had arrived just yesterday- Samantha. Knowing that my height sometimes frightened the younger children at first, I lowered myself into a squat so that I was almost at Samantha's eye level.
"Good morning Sam, did you sleep okay?"
She nodded her head timidly.
"Why did you need me?"
She spoke a single word in a whisper- "bathroom."
At that moment I realized that in the rush to move Samantha in last night, I didn't get to give her the tour of the orphanage. I had been the only adult here when she arrived and the social worker was eager to get the paperwork filled out and to go home. Forgetting that most of the other girls were already asleep, I led her to the girls' mass bedroom and assumed that they could help her find her way around for the night. I had forgotten another crucial detail though- the social worker had said that Samantha was dangerously shy. I should probably be relieved that she even had the courage to knock on my door. Most likely, the other girls weren't even out of bed seeing as my watch read 5:26 AM.
And so, resigning to the fact that I had missed a couple hours of much needed shut-eye, I smiled at Samantha and led her to the girls' bathroom. She still looked tired so I made sure that she could find her way back to bed then set off to start preparing breakfast.
My day flashed by in a succession of sensations after the volunteers started to show up. Sore knuckles from knocking on doors to wake up the kids...the loud endless chattering punctuated by shouts of laughter as the kids frolicked in the yard...the odd scent outside that I attributed to the medley of candles the neighboring convent burned...and the constant tugging of one kid after another on my jeans for attention. I didn't have time to think about Samantha until the dishes from dinner were cleaned and I'd signed the last of the volunteer hour confirmation slips that always accompanied a group of high-school aged volunteers. Judging from their athletic builds and gym bags, I assumed that this group of kids were all in some sort of sports group. A girl that I recognized from previous volunteer session stayed late to help me finish tidying everything up. It seemed that for every toy that I put back, two more would end up on the floor the next day. While we cleaned, this girl chattered at me non-stop. All I caught was something about a birthday, swimming, and the post office. I was too tired to really pay much attention and when she finally left around 8, I collapsed into the nearest chair.
It took me a couple minutes to realize that instead of being in the other room watching Mulan with the other kids, Samantha had been quietly drawing in the corner of the room. Slowly, so as not to disturb her concentration, I moved to a beanbag chair closer to where she knelt on the carpet. Peeking over, I almost laughed out loud at the image on the paper. Samantha had drawn me in my full on, disheveled, straight-out-of-bed glory. She quickly noticed the huge black guy trying in vain to blend into the neon yellow beanbag next to her and after carefully drawing the blazing hot sun that everyone had been trying to avoid for the last week, thrust the portrait towards me. I smiled and accepted the portrait after appraising all the carefully placed crayon strokes. I watched her join the other kids as mulan and a talking dragon exchange witty remarks on the screen.
I tape the picture onto my mirror after getting all the kids into bed and fall backwards onto my own bed. I realize at that moment that I still haven't given Samantha that tour. Well..there's always tomorrow.
The combination of concrete walls and a flimsy plywood door made sure that I never missed anything that was going on outside of my room. This was normally okay with me since the orphanage was dreadfully understaffed and it was up to me to keep the kids in check after 9 as the only adult that stayed the night. The tapping came again, just a tad louder as if the knocker was anxious but still embarrassed for having to bother me.
"I'm up, I'm up. One second." I yelled in the direction of the door. I blinked the sleep from my eyes and swung my legs out of bed, shocked awake by the chilly concrete floor. It seemed that however hot it was outside, being just a couple of feet underground kept my room at a constantly cool temperature. I threw on a shirt and pulled on some jeans then finally checked my dreads in the mirror over the sink. At least now I looked like i'd been out of bed for 10 minutes instead of the 3 that had actually passed. Opening the door, I was surprised to find that the knocker was not in fact Annie, the mom that stopped by every morning to fix the kids breakfast, but the little girl that had arrived just yesterday- Samantha. Knowing that my height sometimes frightened the younger children at first, I lowered myself into a squat so that I was almost at Samantha's eye level.
"Good morning Sam, did you sleep okay?"
She nodded her head timidly.
"Why did you need me?"
She spoke a single word in a whisper- "bathroom."
At that moment I realized that in the rush to move Samantha in last night, I didn't get to give her the tour of the orphanage. I had been the only adult here when she arrived and the social worker was eager to get the paperwork filled out and to go home. Forgetting that most of the other girls were already asleep, I led her to the girls' mass bedroom and assumed that they could help her find her way around for the night. I had forgotten another crucial detail though- the social worker had said that Samantha was dangerously shy. I should probably be relieved that she even had the courage to knock on my door. Most likely, the other girls weren't even out of bed seeing as my watch read 5:26 AM.
And so, resigning to the fact that I had missed a couple hours of much needed shut-eye, I smiled at Samantha and led her to the girls' bathroom. She still looked tired so I made sure that she could find her way back to bed then set off to start preparing breakfast.
My day flashed by in a succession of sensations after the volunteers started to show up. Sore knuckles from knocking on doors to wake up the kids...the loud endless chattering punctuated by shouts of laughter as the kids frolicked in the yard...the odd scent outside that I attributed to the medley of candles the neighboring convent burned...and the constant tugging of one kid after another on my jeans for attention. I didn't have time to think about Samantha until the dishes from dinner were cleaned and I'd signed the last of the volunteer hour confirmation slips that always accompanied a group of high-school aged volunteers. Judging from their athletic builds and gym bags, I assumed that this group of kids were all in some sort of sports group. A girl that I recognized from previous volunteer session stayed late to help me finish tidying everything up. It seemed that for every toy that I put back, two more would end up on the floor the next day. While we cleaned, this girl chattered at me non-stop. All I caught was something about a birthday, swimming, and the post office. I was too tired to really pay much attention and when she finally left around 8, I collapsed into the nearest chair.
It took me a couple minutes to realize that instead of being in the other room watching Mulan with the other kids, Samantha had been quietly drawing in the corner of the room. Slowly, so as not to disturb her concentration, I moved to a beanbag chair closer to where she knelt on the carpet. Peeking over, I almost laughed out loud at the image on the paper. Samantha had drawn me in my full on, disheveled, straight-out-of-bed glory. She quickly noticed the huge black guy trying in vain to blend into the neon yellow beanbag next to her and after carefully drawing the blazing hot sun that everyone had been trying to avoid for the last week, thrust the portrait towards me. I smiled and accepted the portrait after appraising all the carefully placed crayon strokes. I watched her join the other kids as mulan and a talking dragon exchange witty remarks on the screen.
I tape the picture onto my mirror after getting all the kids into bed and fall backwards onto my own bed. I realize at that moment that I still haven't given Samantha that tour. Well..there's always tomorrow.
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