When we finally found an entrance back to the surface, Torie had already long stopped chattering and we were just walking along in silence. Having someone else with me kept away the hallucinations and panic attacks that had plagued me the last time I was in the tunnels. Torie had stopped sniffling too but hadn’t let go of my hand once. Pushing aside the metal cover, I looked around and realized that we were indoors. More specifically, we were in the girls bathroom of the orphanage.
First helping Torie up and out of the tunnel, I then pulled myself out onto the cold yet reassuring tile floor. As my eyes complained about being faced with bright fluorescents, my stomach complained about it’s emptiness. Thinking that there was no way Torie couldn’t be hungry by now either, I reached for his hand again and started for the kitchen. Torie said nothing but just the fact that his hand wasn’t grasping mine quite as tightly as before told me that he was already feeling more relaxed. Reaching the kitchen, I prepared two bowls of my favorite cereal- Honey Nut Cheerios. From the way that Torie’s eyes widened as he saw the box, it seemed like he was a fan of cheerios too. Just as we were finishing up, I saw Annie rush past the kitchen door obviously looking for someone. Five seconds later, she reappeared in the doorway.
“Christophe!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where have you been? Are you OK? How’d you get here? Who is that kid?” and eventually getting back to “Where have you been???”
Trying to figure out how to explain the events of the past few days, I ended up just going with “I’ve been in the hospital. But i’m okay now don’t worry.”
“Oh. Well I guess thats good then. Sorry to freak out on you but you should probably know that child services came to talk to you a couple hours and insisted on staying until you got back. I told them that I didn’t know where you were but they still wouldn’t leave. Do you want me to try again”
I sighed. Child services was known for their horrible timing. But then again, it’s not like they’re asking to be forced out of their beds at unconventional hours to take care of kids in need either.
“No, I guess I might as well go talk to them now. This is Torie. Torie this is Annie, she’s super nice and I’ll be right back.”
Torie nodded, still crunching away at a spoonful of cheerios.
Walking into the main room, I greeted child services woman that sat awkwardly waiting on one of the beanbags scattered on the floor. I allowed myself an inner chuckle knowing that Annie probably purposely didn’t tell the poor woman that right down the hall we had a waiting room with magazines and comfortable chairs for when prospective parents came to meet some of the kids. Looking away to give the woman a chance to maneuver her way into a standing position, I caught Annie smirking in the corner of my eye. My guess was that Annie had already tried a couple of times to get the woman to leave.
“Hi, my name is Adelind Garber from child services. Are you Christophe Moreau?”
Extending my hand I responded,
“Yes, I am. What may I help you with? This late at night I can only assume you’ve got a kid in trouble.”
“Well actually, you’re right. But there’s something else too. Is there somewhere we can talk?”
I led her into the waiting room down the hall. I saw her give Annie a resentful sideways glance upon realizing that she could have avoided the sore back that came with sitting in a beanbag for more than an hour. Sitting down, Adelind pulled a manilla file out of her briefcase. Opening it, she introduced the child whose whole life apparently filled up only a couple of pages. Not even front and back.
“Christophe, this is Torie.”
Glancing closer at the picture paperclipped to the inside of the file, I recognized the dark-skinned, blue-eyed boy that now sat in the kitchen happily munching on cereal.
“Oh Torie, I know him. I found him today after he ran away from the hospital. Are his parents looking for him?”
“Well thats the thing,” Adelind said. “Torie’s mom, Rosie, died early this afternoon...and you’re his dad.”
In a flash, I realized where I had recognized Torie from- that dream of that little kid holding onto Rosie’s hand. Thinking back even further, I knew that the baby that must have been wrapped up inside the white bundle had also Torie. All this seemed to happen in a second. The next second, I was sprinting back to the kitchen. It wasn’t a dream. Torie was still there, now slurping the sweetened milk from his cereal bowl. Looking up, his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of me panting in the doorway.
“Torie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
He put the cereal bowl down in confusion.
“Torie. I’m your dad and I want you to know that I will never ever leave you. You got that?”
His eyes widened and his mouth opened but no words came out. So, I did the best that I could do. I put my arms around my son and hugged him. I knew that one hug would never be able to make up for the years that I had missed of his life but still, I hugged him because at least now, I knew that the little lost boy and the tired lost man would never be alone again.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Home
Lying back in my cot, I reflected on my last couple of hours. Pulling one story after another from my memory, I’d sat with the boy until a nurse came in to take him somewhere- I assumed back to wherever his parents were. Throughout the whole time we talked, I kept my eyes on his hands. When he was relaxed, his hands lay flat in his lap but as soon as his hands began to clench and grasp at each other, I knew to quickly change the topic. For some reason, all I really wanted to do was make this boy’s blue eyes light up and see his face widen into a smile. The responsible half of my brain kept urging me to ask about why he was in the hospital but it seemed like he was barely holding himself together as it was so the other half of my brain just kept focusing on keeping Torie happy. Shortly after I’d gotten back to my room Sile had come back to visit- bringing some lunch in a brown paper bag. Again he made like he’d brought someone else along when it clearly was just him. This time I was sure enough about my vision to realize that the problem was not with me but with him. Putting Sile and his hallucinations aside, I turned my thoughts back to Torie.
A nurse walked in just as I was dozing off.
“Mr. Moreau? How are you feeling”
“Great actually, do you know when I can go home?”
Picking up the clipboard at the end of my cot, the nurse flipped a couple of pages.
“Well it says here that you can head out whenever you feel up to it. All you have to do is sign a couple of papers.”
A commotion began to rise up in the hallway. I heard someone shout “Hey kid, wait!” and then the nurse hurriedly unclipped some papers and practically threw them onto the table next to my cot.
“Umm, I’ll just leave the papers here. Once you complete them you can just go.”
Without a backward glance, she rushed off into the hall to help with whatever was going on.
Feeling a sudden urgency myself, I quickly scanned through the pages and signed at the x’s. Gathering up my clothes and quick-changing behind a curtain, I stepped into the hallway. Nurses were running back and forth. Doors that were closed before were opened- startling sleeping patients and their family members alike. But as soon as I registered that they were all yelling the name “Torie”, I jumped right into the bustle of people myself. Knowing that the main areas of the hospital would have already been searched many times over, I headed for the less likely spots. Mens bathroom. The stalls were all empty but just as I began to leave, I saw a drain cover askew.
Remembering back to my search for Xiu Li, I pushed cover aside and peered inside. The drain looked to be plenty big enough for a kid as small as Torie to fit in. On the other hand, it might be a bit of a squeeze for me. Glad for the first time in days that I hadn’t exactly been eating heartily recently, I lowered myself down into the tunnels that I had once been desperate to get out of. All my fears of getting lost in the darkness disappeared in an instant as soon as I saw the quickly fading prints of small kid-sized sneakers in the damp dirt under my own shoes. Leaving the cover open just in case I needed some rescuing later, I followed the shoe prints deeper into the tunnels. This time though, I made sure to pay attention to each turn I made, carefully creating a mental map of my general location beneath the town. Either my eyes had grown stronger in the dark or tiny beams of light were somehow making their way into the tunnels, I just knew that I had to keep following the prints in the squishy soil. Soon, I began to hear footfalls and gave up on my mental map and focused all my attention on the little boy that was probably terrified out of his mind at this point. Realizing that my own quickly approaching footfalls might be the reason that Torie hadn’t slowed down yet, I began to call out his name.
“Torie, don’t be scared, it’s just me! Remember how you told me about the ocean and collecting seashells? I can take you back there, but first you gotta stop running so that I can get us outta here!”
I heard the footsteps slow down and finally stop to be replaced by loud, wet sniffling. I slowed my pace down too and began to trace my fingertips along the side of the tunnel. In seconds, my long legs brought me at least 2 feet away from the sniffling.
“Hey Torie, can you see me at all? If you can, take my hand”
A small hand bumped against my elbow and finally found its way down to my palm.
“You okay? You wanna talk about it?”
“I just wanna go home..”
Recognizing the need to get some answers finally, I said:
“I can do that, but first you gotta tell me about where home is so I know where to take you”
Slowly, with him talking and me listening, I somehow guided us back into the world- a man and a child both just looking for home.
A nurse walked in just as I was dozing off.
“Mr. Moreau? How are you feeling”
“Great actually, do you know when I can go home?”
Picking up the clipboard at the end of my cot, the nurse flipped a couple of pages.
“Well it says here that you can head out whenever you feel up to it. All you have to do is sign a couple of papers.”
A commotion began to rise up in the hallway. I heard someone shout “Hey kid, wait!” and then the nurse hurriedly unclipped some papers and practically threw them onto the table next to my cot.
“Umm, I’ll just leave the papers here. Once you complete them you can just go.”
Without a backward glance, she rushed off into the hall to help with whatever was going on.
Feeling a sudden urgency myself, I quickly scanned through the pages and signed at the x’s. Gathering up my clothes and quick-changing behind a curtain, I stepped into the hallway. Nurses were running back and forth. Doors that were closed before were opened- startling sleeping patients and their family members alike. But as soon as I registered that they were all yelling the name “Torie”, I jumped right into the bustle of people myself. Knowing that the main areas of the hospital would have already been searched many times over, I headed for the less likely spots. Mens bathroom. The stalls were all empty but just as I began to leave, I saw a drain cover askew.
Remembering back to my search for Xiu Li, I pushed cover aside and peered inside. The drain looked to be plenty big enough for a kid as small as Torie to fit in. On the other hand, it might be a bit of a squeeze for me. Glad for the first time in days that I hadn’t exactly been eating heartily recently, I lowered myself down into the tunnels that I had once been desperate to get out of. All my fears of getting lost in the darkness disappeared in an instant as soon as I saw the quickly fading prints of small kid-sized sneakers in the damp dirt under my own shoes. Leaving the cover open just in case I needed some rescuing later, I followed the shoe prints deeper into the tunnels. This time though, I made sure to pay attention to each turn I made, carefully creating a mental map of my general location beneath the town. Either my eyes had grown stronger in the dark or tiny beams of light were somehow making their way into the tunnels, I just knew that I had to keep following the prints in the squishy soil. Soon, I began to hear footfalls and gave up on my mental map and focused all my attention on the little boy that was probably terrified out of his mind at this point. Realizing that my own quickly approaching footfalls might be the reason that Torie hadn’t slowed down yet, I began to call out his name.
“Torie, don’t be scared, it’s just me! Remember how you told me about the ocean and collecting seashells? I can take you back there, but first you gotta stop running so that I can get us outta here!”
I heard the footsteps slow down and finally stop to be replaced by loud, wet sniffling. I slowed my pace down too and began to trace my fingertips along the side of the tunnel. In seconds, my long legs brought me at least 2 feet away from the sniffling.
“Hey Torie, can you see me at all? If you can, take my hand”
A small hand bumped against my elbow and finally found its way down to my palm.
“You okay? You wanna talk about it?”
“I just wanna go home..”
Recognizing the need to get some answers finally, I said:
“I can do that, but first you gotta tell me about where home is so I know where to take you”
Slowly, with him talking and me listening, I somehow guided us back into the world- a man and a child both just looking for home.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
The Ocean
I couldn't remember the last time I woke up and wasn't confused. At least now I knew what to do though. Quickly establishing my surroundings were real and that I had been dreaming, I moved on before I could doze off again. A nurse escorted some concerned looking people in after she realized that my eyes were open.
"Christophe? Are you ok?"
Wondering how they knew my name, I could only nod.
"Who are you? Did you bring me here?"
“My name’s Sile. My brother, my dad, and I found you in an alley and rushed you here.”
The room began to blur out but I tried to maintain my grasp on reality. I was getting mighty tired of losing control.“Your brother and your dad? Are they here now?”
“Yes, they’re right here.”
I counted and recounted. All I could see was two blobs- one that I assumed to be Sile and the other his dad. Try as I might, I couldn’t detect anything near the vicinity that Sile was gesturing towards that might even remotely be a person.
At this point, I couldn't take it anymore and passed back into this confusing dream world that I seemed to frequent more than the real world these days. Hoping for a relaxing dream, I found myself on a beach. If I hadn't already prepared myself for a dream I would have known immediately anyway- I haven't been on a vacation since my childhood. Even though at least 15 years had passed, I remembered every detail with crystal clear accuracy. The sand was great and the sun felt nice but the ocean is what fascinated me. It never stayed the same but you could rely on it to be there. Even if you sailed on the ocean for every second of your life, you would never see every single creature or frond of seaweed in the ocean. So many lives depended on the ocean's tides and the ecosystem contained in it. At the same time, you could sail the seas and never see another person if you wanted to. To me, the ocean represented a detachment from the problems and preoccupations of my daily life. Everything is how it is meant to be in the ocean. The ways of nature are preserved and respected. I could be happy here..so for the first time in too long, I made the conscious decision to fall asleep.
Even if I had only taken a nap in my dream, I awakened feeling refreshed and completely at ease. For once, I remembered where I was and didn't struggle to organize my thoughts. Optimistic about my back, I eased myself up and swung my legs over the side of the cot. Taking ahold of my IV stand, I carefully stood up and took a couple of steps. So far so good. A nurse hurried in when she saw that I was attempting to walk around but seeing that I was fine, she told me to take it slow. I wandered around the halls passing one closed door after another. I saw Clara Kate Holloway rushing out of a room, leaving a vase of daisies next to the groggy looking woman in the cot. Guess people aren’t really up for socializing in the hospital. Slowing down as I passed an open door, I peered into the room. The cot was empty so I assumed the room was waiting for its next occupant. Upon closer inspection, I realized there was a little boy sitting nervously by the bed in a comfy chair meant just for relatives that stayed the night. Since it looked like all he was doing was waiting for somebody, I knocked quietly on the doorframe.
“Hey, what’s your name?”
“Torie”
Recognizing the lost look that many of the kids have that come into the orphanage, I softened my voice and went over to sit by the boy. Also knowing that the last thing that will help these kids is asking the difficult questions, I started off easy.
“So Torie, what’s your favorite color?”
“Mmm green...But I really blue too.”
“Really? Those are my two most favorite colors too! Have you ever been to the beach?”
A light lit up in Torie’s face that hadn’t seen since I’d come into the room.
“I love the beach. Thats why I like blue too. I like looking at the waves. Last time I went I got so many shells.”
Putting a hand up to his neck, he fingered a necklace with a single shell strung onto a quite frazzled looking cord. A sad look came over his face again so I backtracked.
“Hey thats a cool necklace, you know there was one time I went to the beach- it was a looong time ago- and I waded all the way up to my chest, then this huge wave came....
"Christophe? Are you ok?"
Wondering how they knew my name, I could only nod.
"Who are you? Did you bring me here?"
“My name’s Sile. My brother, my dad, and I found you in an alley and rushed you here.”
The room began to blur out but I tried to maintain my grasp on reality. I was getting mighty tired of losing control.“Your brother and your dad? Are they here now?”
“Yes, they’re right here.”
I counted and recounted. All I could see was two blobs- one that I assumed to be Sile and the other his dad. Try as I might, I couldn’t detect anything near the vicinity that Sile was gesturing towards that might even remotely be a person.
At this point, I couldn't take it anymore and passed back into this confusing dream world that I seemed to frequent more than the real world these days. Hoping for a relaxing dream, I found myself on a beach. If I hadn't already prepared myself for a dream I would have known immediately anyway- I haven't been on a vacation since my childhood. Even though at least 15 years had passed, I remembered every detail with crystal clear accuracy. The sand was great and the sun felt nice but the ocean is what fascinated me. It never stayed the same but you could rely on it to be there. Even if you sailed on the ocean for every second of your life, you would never see every single creature or frond of seaweed in the ocean. So many lives depended on the ocean's tides and the ecosystem contained in it. At the same time, you could sail the seas and never see another person if you wanted to. To me, the ocean represented a detachment from the problems and preoccupations of my daily life. Everything is how it is meant to be in the ocean. The ways of nature are preserved and respected. I could be happy here..so for the first time in too long, I made the conscious decision to fall asleep.
Even if I had only taken a nap in my dream, I awakened feeling refreshed and completely at ease. For once, I remembered where I was and didn't struggle to organize my thoughts. Optimistic about my back, I eased myself up and swung my legs over the side of the cot. Taking ahold of my IV stand, I carefully stood up and took a couple of steps. So far so good. A nurse hurried in when she saw that I was attempting to walk around but seeing that I was fine, she told me to take it slow. I wandered around the halls passing one closed door after another. I saw Clara Kate Holloway rushing out of a room, leaving a vase of daisies next to the groggy looking woman in the cot. Guess people aren’t really up for socializing in the hospital. Slowing down as I passed an open door, I peered into the room. The cot was empty so I assumed the room was waiting for its next occupant. Upon closer inspection, I realized there was a little boy sitting nervously by the bed in a comfy chair meant just for relatives that stayed the night. Since it looked like all he was doing was waiting for somebody, I knocked quietly on the doorframe.
“Hey, what’s your name?”
“Torie”
Recognizing the lost look that many of the kids have that come into the orphanage, I softened my voice and went over to sit by the boy. Also knowing that the last thing that will help these kids is asking the difficult questions, I started off easy.
“So Torie, what’s your favorite color?”
“Mmm green...But I really blue too.”
“Really? Those are my two most favorite colors too! Have you ever been to the beach?”
A light lit up in Torie’s face that hadn’t seen since I’d come into the room.
“I love the beach. Thats why I like blue too. I like looking at the waves. Last time I went I got so many shells.”
Putting a hand up to his neck, he fingered a necklace with a single shell strung onto a quite frazzled looking cord. A sad look came over his face again so I backtracked.
“Hey thats a cool necklace, you know there was one time I went to the beach- it was a looong time ago- and I waded all the way up to my chest, then this huge wave came....
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Alone
With air this still there was no way that I couldn't be dreaming yet
again but as I glanced around, the white hospital walls looked foggy and grim- nothing like the creepy crispness that came with my dreams. Wiggling my toes, rough linen rubbed against the tops of my toes and warmed briefly before cooling again. I winced as my back complained- validating my time in the alleyway. Lifting up my hand, I realized the reason why I didn't feel hungry yet couldn't remember when I had last eaten. The tape covered up the IV needle sticking into my hand but just seeing made me more cautious about any kind of movement that could dislodge it.
Finished with my self inspection, I turned my attention to the four walls around my bed. Wait. Correction. I was in a hospital cot that was surrounding only on four sides by pale cream hospital curtains- explaining why the "walls" I had seen upon awakening were so foggy looking. At this point I had confirmed that I was indeed in the free clinic. Judging by the fresh faces of the nurses bustling about, I concluded that the night crew must have gone home only an hour or so ago. Having come in to help out once or twice when the days at the orphanage were slow, I knew that it was unusual for them to have overnight guests like me in the first place. A distressed looking woman still wearing clothes stained with blood from a probably freshly treated wound passed into my field of vision. She slowly made her way out of the clinic looking much too dazed and preoccupied to be completely healed. As soon as the thought leaving the clinic to free up space for people like the woman, the throbbing of my back flared up into a pain so intense that I could do nothing but close my eyes and give in to the sandman again.
Rosie stood in front of me. Much less talkative than she had been on the phone, she just stared at me. So instead, I shifted my attention to the kid clutching her right hand. He looked to be about 6 or 7 judging by how steadily his gaze held mine. Although I had never seen this kid before, the deep blue of his eyes reminded me of my own reflection. I got the feeling that we didn't just share the same shade of eyes though. While Rosie still held his left hand firmly, his eyes told me that he was still alone. On the outside, he looked fine. I'm sure he smiled and laughed just like any other kid. But from personal experience, I knew that the kid other people thought him to be couldn't be more opposite from the kid on the inside. On the inside, there was doubt and confusion but most of all, there was loneliness. Shaking myself out of the past, I looked back at Rosie. By the determined set of her shoulders and the tightness in her eyes I knew that she lived for this boy. I knew that even though she could barely feed herself, she made sure the kid never went hungry. I knew she would do anything to stay by his side because otherwise, he would have nothing.
I also knew that Rosie was dead.
Finished with my self inspection, I turned my attention to the four walls around my bed. Wait. Correction. I was in a hospital cot that was surrounding only on four sides by pale cream hospital curtains- explaining why the "walls" I had seen upon awakening were so foggy looking. At this point I had confirmed that I was indeed in the free clinic. Judging by the fresh faces of the nurses bustling about, I concluded that the night crew must have gone home only an hour or so ago. Having come in to help out once or twice when the days at the orphanage were slow, I knew that it was unusual for them to have overnight guests like me in the first place. A distressed looking woman still wearing clothes stained with blood from a probably freshly treated wound passed into my field of vision. She slowly made her way out of the clinic looking much too dazed and preoccupied to be completely healed. As soon as the thought leaving the clinic to free up space for people like the woman, the throbbing of my back flared up into a pain so intense that I could do nothing but close my eyes and give in to the sandman again.
Rosie stood in front of me. Much less talkative than she had been on the phone, she just stared at me. So instead, I shifted my attention to the kid clutching her right hand. He looked to be about 6 or 7 judging by how steadily his gaze held mine. Although I had never seen this kid before, the deep blue of his eyes reminded me of my own reflection. I got the feeling that we didn't just share the same shade of eyes though. While Rosie still held his left hand firmly, his eyes told me that he was still alone. On the outside, he looked fine. I'm sure he smiled and laughed just like any other kid. But from personal experience, I knew that the kid other people thought him to be couldn't be more opposite from the kid on the inside. On the inside, there was doubt and confusion but most of all, there was loneliness. Shaking myself out of the past, I looked back at Rosie. By the determined set of her shoulders and the tightness in her eyes I knew that she lived for this boy. I knew that even though she could barely feed herself, she made sure the kid never went hungry. I knew she would do anything to stay by his side because otherwise, he would have nothing.
I also knew that Rosie was dead.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Weightless
I was floating. Not
suspended in midair or soaring amongst clouds but just weightless. Rotating my head carefully, for fear of
spoiling this feeling, I tried to orient myself. I couldn’t seem to see anything underneath me
nor above me. It reminded me of the
endless white rooms that people in commercials seem to find themselves in. The most remarkable thing about my situation
was that for the first time since I received that call, I felt content. I could still feel the constant pull of the
never-ending cycle of the orphanage- cooking, cleaning, spending time with the
kids. But somehow I knew that all those
things didn’t really matter and I could easily push the urge to do something to
the back of my mind. That other thing, the
thing that I always shied away from delving into, had mysteriously seemed to be
gone too.
So I floated.
All of a sudden, a bundle dropped out of the space above me
and landed lightly in my arms. At first
it was a welcome change in this white room but in the next second, I was
dropping. There was no ground to break
my fall but I almost would have welcomed the impact of the ground compared to
this constant feeling of falling. My
insides felt like they had been ripped out of me with the speed at which we,
the bundle and I, whooshed downwards. I
was made up of the bare minimum. Just
enough to grasp the bundle like it was going to save me from falling apart
completely.
At this point, the falling sensation had become bearable to
the point that I could ignore the fact that it was even happening. Somewhat righting myself, I curiously
examined the bundle. Unable to discern
anything from the cloth wrapping around it, I began to unwrap the folds of the
baby blue blanket. While the length of unwrapped cloth grew longer and longer,
the bundle shrunk not a centimeter. Resigning
to the mystery of the bundle, I heard the ring of a telephone. Unable to find a cellphone or handset
anywhere in sight, I could do nothing but wait for the ringing to stop.
The ringing continued until I opened my eyes to the harsh fluorescent lights of a hospital room. The ringing
appeared to be closer to my right ear so I reached over with my right hand and
brought the source of the noise to my face.
The screen glowed “Unknown calling”. I flipped the phone open and answered:
“Hello?”
“Hi, I missed a call from this number earlier. Who is this?
“This is Christophe Moreau. I’m sorry, who is this?”
silence.
“Chris? This is Rosie. You’re about five years late if you want to
meet your son.”
But then the hospital began to warp and twist. The cell phone dissolved in my hands and the ergonomic pillow under my head began to feel remarkably like a crushed up cardboard box. The fluorescent lights dimmed and became the night sky that I had fallen asleep under- I passed out again before I could rearrange whatever piece of alleyway junk was creating the most uncomfortable cushion against the hard concrete.
But then the hospital began to warp and twist. The cell phone dissolved in my hands and the ergonomic pillow under my head began to feel remarkably like a crushed up cardboard box. The fluorescent lights dimmed and became the night sky that I had fallen asleep under- I passed out again before I could rearrange whatever piece of alleyway junk was creating the most uncomfortable cushion against the hard concrete.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Hungry
Pushing back the heavy iron manhole cover, I prepared my eyes for the blinding daylight. As the glow behind my eyelids grew brighter and brighter, I felt the gentle caresses of fresh air on my clammy skin. Slowly opening my eyes, I realized that the source of light was not in fact the sun but a lone street light right above me. Recognizing the faded awning of the entrance to Castle Apartments, I turned and saw the familiar cobbled steps leading up to the orphanage. My stomach rumbled- reminding me of the last...how long was I down there? By the absence of a single other person on the streets I knew that it had been hours since the sun had turned in for the night. This meant that everyone in the orphanage would be asleep. Hopefully one of the volunteers was staying overnight with the kids. Rather that wake everyone up and heat up leftovers from dinner, I started walking to the Sushi place on Sobchak. The owner helped out in the orphanage a lot and, since I had left my wallet on my bedside table, I would need to pay with an IOU.
While it was plenty dark outside, my eyes were still sensitive to the light of the sparse streetlights. Squinching my face to try and let only the minimal amount of light in, I breathed in the fresh air of the night. The humming of the streetlights and occasional bump in the night were a relief to my ears after my time in the deafening silence of the underground. Passing Isabella’s cafe, I thought of the two girls I saw in the tunnel and wondered if I would see them there. Having already lost all sense of direction by the time I had met them, I couldn’t even estimate what direction they were going if above ground.
Quickening my stride as I smelled the 24-hour coffee being brewed at Casa de Waffles, I turned onto Sobchak. A loud clanging noise drew my attention as I turned to go into the sushi restaurant. My thoughts about whether to eat sushi or kenyan suddenly turned to curiosity as I tried to locate the origin of the sudden noise. Ignoring my aching stomach for a split second, I jogged across the street. Peering into the alley, I saw two figures. Since my pupils were still dilated from trying to see in complete dark for the past several hours, I could make out a girl and someone in a hoodie. It didn’t look good for the girl. As soon as all of this dawned upon me as a bad situation, the hoodied person pushed the girl down and ran in my direction. Slamming me to the side, all I could do was hope that the sun would rise soon and shed light on the man passed out in the alley- too weak from hunger to do anything else
While it was plenty dark outside, my eyes were still sensitive to the light of the sparse streetlights. Squinching my face to try and let only the minimal amount of light in, I breathed in the fresh air of the night. The humming of the streetlights and occasional bump in the night were a relief to my ears after my time in the deafening silence of the underground. Passing Isabella’s cafe, I thought of the two girls I saw in the tunnel and wondered if I would see them there. Having already lost all sense of direction by the time I had met them, I couldn’t even estimate what direction they were going if above ground.
Quickening my stride as I smelled the 24-hour coffee being brewed at Casa de Waffles, I turned onto Sobchak. A loud clanging noise drew my attention as I turned to go into the sushi restaurant. My thoughts about whether to eat sushi or kenyan suddenly turned to curiosity as I tried to locate the origin of the sudden noise. Ignoring my aching stomach for a split second, I jogged across the street. Peering into the alley, I saw two figures. Since my pupils were still dilated from trying to see in complete dark for the past several hours, I could make out a girl and someone in a hoodie. It didn’t look good for the girl. As soon as all of this dawned upon me as a bad situation, the hoodied person pushed the girl down and ran in my direction. Slamming me to the side, all I could do was hope that the sun would rise soon and shed light on the man passed out in the alley- too weak from hunger to do anything else
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Nothing
My eyes and brain gradually focused on the scene in front of me. One girl was wearing a hat with a headlamp attached to it- the source of the blinding light that had given me the couple of seconds after finding the girls to understand the situation. Realizing that neither one of us had spoken yet I rifled through my head for the appropriate greeting for when you find two girls in an underground tunnel system..."Uh, hi" was the most that I could come up with. The girl with the headlamp continued glaring at me like I was intruding on something while the dark haired girl returned an equally brisk greeting. Something about her bright eyes sparked my memory. Had she volunteered at the orphanage? I can never keep track of volunteers since so many people will come to get service hours for school then, after I validate their hours, won't cross the threshold of the orphanage until the next school year. But this girl I had at least seen recently. We hadn't hard any new arrivals to e orphanage so she couldn't be a new orphan. In a whoosh, the missing girl poster came to the front of my memory. Xiu Li.
"You're Xiu Li!"
"yeah. I am. And you're the guy from the orphanage."
So she was a volunteer. What was she doing down here?
"I'm Annalisa" offered the other girl as silence threatened to settle in again.
Before I could figure out what the girls were doing down here, Annalisa cut me off and led Xiu Li past me and into the darkness of the tunnel behind me. I heard the click of her turning her headlamp and the sound of their footsteps on the packed dirt ground fading into the distance. Realizing that I didn't know my way out of the tunnels, I turned around and started in the direction that I heard the girls hurrying while i'd idly evaluated my next move. As I came upon an intersection, I listened intently to try and discern which tunnel the girls had taken. All I could hear was a quiet trickle of water somewhere behind me..or was it to my right? The hard walls of the tunnel created an echo effect that made it impossible to rely on my sense of hearing for any directions. One sound that I was sure of, though, was the grumblings of my stomach as it tried to alert me of the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since six this morning.
Checking the glowing clock on my iPod, I learned that it was already 3 in the afternoon. Having expected my dream to just be nonsense, I hadn't thought to prepare for the excursion that my exploration of the world underneath the city had become. Walking a little further, I came upon an intersection of at least 6 tunnels that created a small open area. Afraid of wasting any more of my iPod battery, I turned the screen off and folded my legs up underneath me to think about my next move.
I was positive that I had never seen Annalisa before which only meant that there was another opening to the tunnel system. Too bad that I had no idea about how to even retrace my steps to the place that i had crossed paths with the two girls. How did the girls learn how to navigate the tunnel system anyways? So far I'd seen no marks or patterns in the arrangement of the tunnels would allow anyone to keep track of which tunnels led where.
At some point, I fell asleep on the cavern floor. I dreamed of Harry in his usual spot but ringing a bell and standing neck to a red salvation army tripod instead of the usual metal bowl. The cheerful melodies of Christmas tunes are playing from the cd player sitting next to him. Suddenly, his red bucket seems to be filled with hamburgers instead of cash. Food is coming out of all of Harry's pockets and his hand lifted a mug of hot chocolate up instead of the bell. I awake with a pang from my stomach. Upon tapping on my iPod screen I found that the battery had finally run out. Realizing that almost half a day must have passed for my iPod to have died, my search for a way out reached a new level of urgency. Counting the night that I slept before entering the tunnels, I reached the conclusion that if I didn't eat in the next six hours or so I might breath fresh air again. As I trailed my left hand along the wall of the tunnel to avoid walking into a wall in the dark, I kept recounting the hours that had passed. Having awoken with the iPod already dead, I had no idea how much time had passed after the iPod died. Either way, I there had to be an exit and I had to find it- soon.
In the dark, all of my other senses seemed to become magnified. I found myself humming some of the tunes at I had heard in my dream in order to fill the deafening silence of the tunnels. My voice seemed to bounce back from the walls. As I started into rudolf the red nosed reindeer, realized that although I was still just humming, I could distinctly hear someone singing the lyrics. I was going crazy. So this is what dying from hunger feels like. At least I would die listening to one of my favorite childhood christmas songs. I lay down on the floor of the tunnel. Staring into the darkness my eyes searched for something to focus on. It'd been several hours since my retinas had received any form of stimulation at all. Now I knew why those fish at the bottom of the sea evolved to create their own light- in the darkness, everything seems disconnected. Every couple of minutes I satisfied the urge to slam my feet down or reach down to touch my toes just to make sure that I was still there. Whenever I have nightmares they always involve some part of me disappearing. Waking up and seeing myself whole would always bring me out of the nightmare but now I couldn't even do that. For all I knew, I could be slowly turning invisible. Even now I could feel myself giving in to the darkness. Closing my eyes from habit since it didn't change what I saw, I wished for just one last speck of light. Just something to lift the darkness for even a second.
There. Although tiny and faint, I could see a light when I opened my eyes. Remembering the dream that brought me to the grate in the first place, I began to drag my hand across the walls surrounding me. Careful to not go down any passages and lose sight of the light, my hand finally hit something colder than the dirt walls. Upon further examination by touch, i confirmed it. A ladder.
Before beginning my climb up, I promised myself that after I got food, I would make the phone call that I had been dreading ever since I left that place. If there was one thing that my time in the tunnels had brought to light, it was that nothing can be worse than hiding from the truth.
"You're Xiu Li!"
"yeah. I am. And you're the guy from the orphanage."
So she was a volunteer. What was she doing down here?
"I'm Annalisa" offered the other girl as silence threatened to settle in again.
Before I could figure out what the girls were doing down here, Annalisa cut me off and led Xiu Li past me and into the darkness of the tunnel behind me. I heard the click of her turning her headlamp and the sound of their footsteps on the packed dirt ground fading into the distance. Realizing that I didn't know my way out of the tunnels, I turned around and started in the direction that I heard the girls hurrying while i'd idly evaluated my next move. As I came upon an intersection, I listened intently to try and discern which tunnel the girls had taken. All I could hear was a quiet trickle of water somewhere behind me..or was it to my right? The hard walls of the tunnel created an echo effect that made it impossible to rely on my sense of hearing for any directions. One sound that I was sure of, though, was the grumblings of my stomach as it tried to alert me of the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since six this morning.
Checking the glowing clock on my iPod, I learned that it was already 3 in the afternoon. Having expected my dream to just be nonsense, I hadn't thought to prepare for the excursion that my exploration of the world underneath the city had become. Walking a little further, I came upon an intersection of at least 6 tunnels that created a small open area. Afraid of wasting any more of my iPod battery, I turned the screen off and folded my legs up underneath me to think about my next move.
I was positive that I had never seen Annalisa before which only meant that there was another opening to the tunnel system. Too bad that I had no idea about how to even retrace my steps to the place that i had crossed paths with the two girls. How did the girls learn how to navigate the tunnel system anyways? So far I'd seen no marks or patterns in the arrangement of the tunnels would allow anyone to keep track of which tunnels led where.
At some point, I fell asleep on the cavern floor. I dreamed of Harry in his usual spot but ringing a bell and standing neck to a red salvation army tripod instead of the usual metal bowl. The cheerful melodies of Christmas tunes are playing from the cd player sitting next to him. Suddenly, his red bucket seems to be filled with hamburgers instead of cash. Food is coming out of all of Harry's pockets and his hand lifted a mug of hot chocolate up instead of the bell. I awake with a pang from my stomach. Upon tapping on my iPod screen I found that the battery had finally run out. Realizing that almost half a day must have passed for my iPod to have died, my search for a way out reached a new level of urgency. Counting the night that I slept before entering the tunnels, I reached the conclusion that if I didn't eat in the next six hours or so I might breath fresh air again. As I trailed my left hand along the wall of the tunnel to avoid walking into a wall in the dark, I kept recounting the hours that had passed. Having awoken with the iPod already dead, I had no idea how much time had passed after the iPod died. Either way, I there had to be an exit and I had to find it- soon.
In the dark, all of my other senses seemed to become magnified. I found myself humming some of the tunes at I had heard in my dream in order to fill the deafening silence of the tunnels. My voice seemed to bounce back from the walls. As I started into rudolf the red nosed reindeer, realized that although I was still just humming, I could distinctly hear someone singing the lyrics. I was going crazy. So this is what dying from hunger feels like. At least I would die listening to one of my favorite childhood christmas songs. I lay down on the floor of the tunnel. Staring into the darkness my eyes searched for something to focus on. It'd been several hours since my retinas had received any form of stimulation at all. Now I knew why those fish at the bottom of the sea evolved to create their own light- in the darkness, everything seems disconnected. Every couple of minutes I satisfied the urge to slam my feet down or reach down to touch my toes just to make sure that I was still there. Whenever I have nightmares they always involve some part of me disappearing. Waking up and seeing myself whole would always bring me out of the nightmare but now I couldn't even do that. For all I knew, I could be slowly turning invisible. Even now I could feel myself giving in to the darkness. Closing my eyes from habit since it didn't change what I saw, I wished for just one last speck of light. Just something to lift the darkness for even a second.
There. Although tiny and faint, I could see a light when I opened my eyes. Remembering the dream that brought me to the grate in the first place, I began to drag my hand across the walls surrounding me. Careful to not go down any passages and lose sight of the light, my hand finally hit something colder than the dirt walls. Upon further examination by touch, i confirmed it. A ladder.
Before beginning my climb up, I promised myself that after I got food, I would make the phone call that I had been dreading ever since I left that place. If there was one thing that my time in the tunnels had brought to light, it was that nothing can be worse than hiding from the truth.
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